As I stare at the screen of my work laptop and attempt to write my first ever blog, I ask myself, “Why am I doing this? Why today? What am I even going to write about?”. It’s a Saturday, which has become my favorite day of the week lately. The reason for that is cliched. Being a 23 year old working girl, it is the one day of the week I get time to myself and also to be myself. My job, which I landed through campus recruitment, involves working anywhere between 10 to 14 hours a day, 5 days a week. Sundays for me are gloomy. The realization that I have another taxing week ahead of me looms over like a dark cloud.
But today is Saturday and I don’t want to spend another second of it writing (or thinking) about my job. This is my day!
I try to get the most out of my Saturdays. I usually meet up with my close friend, who I’ll refer to as Bud from here on out, and we both go exploring the city, looking for new experiences. It could be a new food joint, a heritage site we haven’t visited or even a new movie. Needless to say, Bud is central to my life, but more on Bud later. Today, we checked out a new breakfast joint and and a movie after. The movie was called “Dear Zindagi” (translation: Dear Life). It was one of those movies which stays with you long after you leave the theater. It was a coming of age movie about a young woman who decides to visit a psychologist to help her battle her inner demons which she doesn’t even know exist. Watching her come out on top made me believe that with a little support, anyone can. I can.
My emotional intelligence was never that high, but things got a little rough this past year (I guess 2016 wasn’t that great for most of us, huh?). I became severely depressed. I used to break down into tears without provocation and was anxious all the time, well on my way to a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t put my finger on a particular cause. All I knew was that I didn’t see a way out. I was miserable and helpless in doing anything about it. It was then that Bud asked me to see a psychiatrist. I was reluctant, didn’t believe it could help and as sad it makes me to admit it now, I was also ashamed of myself and my inability to bounce back from this funk. Luckily, Bud was more persuasive than I was. I finally gave in and decided to give it a go. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression and was prescribed medication for it.
Eight months later, I am grateful that I did. I am on my way to recovery. I still feel upset but it is different. Sometimes my mind tries to tell me that there is no hope for me, but I feel like I can turn that noise down now. I feel like I can learn to battle my demons, just like the protagonist of Dear Zindagi did. I want to do something for myself, something which makes me happy, which I guess is the reason I’m writing today.
As I type out the last few sentences, I feel a sense of achievement. I feel content with this imperfect post. Most of all, I feel inspired to keep looking for things that give me joy. I think we all owe that to ourselves!